F*ck Dan Becker: An interview

2015 is here and we’re running around like decapitated chicken witches. Always up for a challenge, we picked holiday time to sell and purchase homes, state jump, nurture newborns, and vacation on a negative savings account.

Reading keeps us sane.

So do interviews. Here we learn about our new resident asshole character, Dan Becker. Check him out.

DLB: Hey, there! You look like a nice guy. What’s your name?

DB: Dan Becker.

DLB: Well how do you, Dan? Any nicknames, or should we just call you Dan?

DB: Becker.

DLB: Oh. Okay. Where were you born, Becker?

DB: Richmond, Virginia. Is this information really necessary?

DLB: Alright, so we won’t be best friends. Do you have any? Best friends? And why? What makes your best friend your best friend?

DB: I’m a loner and like it that way. If I had to pick someone, it would be my partner, Piper Lee. As to your question why, it’s none of your damn business.

DLB: But this is an interview! You know–sharing, caring, laughter… What makes you laugh, Becker?

DB: That’s a stupid question.

DLB: Fine. You never laugh. How about when you’re angry? (All the time.) Do you have a special ‘angry place’?

DB: I never get angry.



DLB: Let’s try to put some lipstick on this pig with one of our faves: Do you have any scars? Any good scar stories?

DB: I have a scar near my right kidney. A knife wound from a misunderstanding in Cairo some years back. The other guy’s six feet under.

DLB: Hell yeah! A knife wound in Cairo! Is that where you live?

DB: What’s this all about?

DLB: Ugh, we get it. You’ve got secrets. 

DB: I have a lot of secrets, but none I’ll share.

DLB: Try not to spontaneously combust while we barrel through the last few of these, okay? It’s Sunday morning. What are you doing?

DB: What kind of questions are these?

DLB: INTERVIEW questions! You’re getting out for the night. Where are you going?

DB: A local bar.

DLB: Fascinating. What is your most everlasting childhood memory?

DB: I don’t talk about my childhood.

There you have it, folks. Get a copy of THE HARVEST KILLINGS here, and give Becker a big kick in the ass for us.theharvestkillings