Q&A

misfitthemonkey: Do you believe in magic?

I believe that–when I have a horrific daymare about the kids–when I close my eyes and focus every ounce of myself on their safety, something is happening.

During a particularly anxious year in my early twenties I came across an Oprah’s list-type self-help book. I don’t promote or warn against self-help lit, but I’ll just say this: a lot of these people are just trying to make a buck, so be careful what you take to heart.

Anyway, I remember one passage in which the author detailed an anti-stress technique. I’m sure it’s in a family of a hundred identical siblings, so this may not be new to many of you. But it’s the one I read and so the one that I picked.

I isolate body parts, starting with my toes. I imagine particles of anxiety shapeshifting into a gold-flecked orb that gets bigger and bigger as it passes–first through my toes, to my calves, my thighs, my belly, and so on. And then up and out the top of my head (or my eyes). It floats there for a second, an undulating, glittery disco ball, then flashes away into a billion sparkling lights.

Weird? Ok, maybe. But I promise that I feel that orb make its rounds through my body. It doesn’t take me long–I don’t meditate, or anything–but when it’s out above my head my eyes are tingling, the top of my head is tingling, and I swear that my room is bathed in contented shimmer.

I think that’s magic.

bellas0_0: Why don’t you like vampires?

Hold the phone. I LOVE vampires.

I took an Intro to Slavic class (you’ll find that in the H’s, under ‘How to Waste Your Parents’ Money’) my freshman year. During orientation, I was stumped on what to choose for my last three credits. The student guide literally said, ‘Well, do you like vampires?’

I was like, ‘Are you high? Who doesn’t like vampires?’

And so he introduced to me my final choice.

This was in 1998, well before Stephanie Meyer wrote an effeminate, pedophiliac prototype fit for the clutches of today’s One Direction obsessorship.

I adore the vampire archetype, and I am forever changed by the vehemence with which that professor detailed its permeation into all aspects of consumerism. The way we bleed and feed from fame, subliminal influence, promises of wealth. We get bitten by those that count, and live our lives sucking on the bloody teat of reality tv, gossip mags, frenemies, etc.

Too much? I’m sorry, yes: I like vampires. I really really liked the vampires of L.J. Smith’s Vampire Diaries, back in 199something. I haven’t watched the show for the simple reason that Elena is supposed to be blonde.

Betsy from Bedford: You had a lot of nightmares growing up. Why?

Simple. Fred Krueger. He was my boogeyman.

mojojojo24: Who’s your favorite villain?

I swear on everything that is holy, I am not blowing smoke.

Mojojojo.

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