Q&A

Bruzer16: What do you do for fun?

On the rare occasion we get a babysitter, Rich and I get in the car to go dancing but end up at a Chili’s. We share a love for Ketel on the rocks and shooting the shit in unpretentious places. I do like to dance, though. And play pool, but it’s been too long for me to boast about how awesome I am at it.

Alone? Alone I like to sit in a pile of unfolded laundry and watch seventeen episodes of House in a row. My alone time ALWAYS overlaps a House marathon. I’ve no idea why I have yet to see one episode twice.

captainofmy2boats: Are you writing about Florida? I live on the Gulf Coast, but I can’t find any of the places in your book.

Water’s Edge is a fictional town in Florida, so you won’t find restaurants/street names unless it’s coincidental. I went to high school in Pittsburgh, so I took a shot at what being a coastal teen would be like, but I spent seven yrs in St. Petersburg, Florida, so I think I have a good idea.

One Westward to Strange (forgive the plugin, people. Girl’s got to make a living.) reviewer said something like, ‘daytime sleepiness turns into nighttime weirdness…’–that couldn’t be more true. Not about the book, but about beach towns. Beach people are BIZARRE. On the Gulf Coast, specifically. Here (the east) the beach is just kind of another thing. People go sometimes, they talk about it sometimes; they orbit in content little helices around the beach.

The West Coast beach is way different. It’s dealt a daily bludgeoning of territorial, xenophobic former midwesterners with loads of closet skeletons. I say that with affection and thanks for character inspiration.

I once heard the coast referred to as the ‘redneck riviera’, which is totally hilarious and a lot true. These people seem hospitable, but be warned: they’ll soon know EVERYTHING about you. You know what’s not fun in a small beach town? Going through any sort of marital/personal crisis. News gets around fast, to people with questionable morals and damaged histories. Thank G-d I partnered up with another mommy friend/victim there or I would’ve never made it to Boca. Nice place to visit, nice place for your fifth marriage. Not the right place to cultivate a healthy relationship. For me, anyway. Kudos to those who did it right the first time.

Also, no offense. I’m sure you’re a standup person.

Jaime from Bismark: Do you still have the haunted house?

I don’t. My ex and I ran that in St. Pete for the aforementioned weirdos and their vacationing grandmothers. It was a BLAST. I don’t know how or from where we collected so many props and uplighting, but by the end of our tenure we set a solid scene. I did an Exorcist bit of which I’m most proud (though I don’t know how happy the neighborhood was with ‘f*ck me Jesus’ on speaker, on repeat, all night), and a garage funhouse that was downright demented.

One day, when I’m my oft-mentioned (by me) rich and famous self, I’ll commission an old warehouse or something and go balls to the wall with an all-year Haunted House. Oh–let me promote something!

***check out Enigma Haunt in Boca Raton, Florida. Any of you in the area, make this a priority next Halloween.***

Rich and I took the girls last year, so we probably deserve the Worst Parents award. But I’ve never seen Mila so proud of herself, and the staff made them out to be heroes. We’ll do it again this year. Pissing your pants in fear is a rite of passage in this family.

pabstjewribbon32: Granny panty or thong?

I refuse to answer, but I have been laughing for two days about your user name.

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