commercial controversy

I never like to jump on the news bandwagon because I’m wholly uneducated in politics, religion, science, pop culture, and anything else that garners smart-person viewership. I write fictional towns and histories, and then my characters reference them and we all have a laugh at how ignorant you feel for not knowing about widely feared cannibal witches birthed in the Amazon Basin.

But I did my requisite three minutes of research and discovered that all of America hates gay people and people that wear headscarves. So I wanted to talk about it.

OF COURSE Coca-Cola knew what they were doing. Bait a controversial hook and reel in success. Why else do I title my posts ‘Dinner Plate Nipples’ and ‘I Love Girls’? For the same reason I posted a naked pic of a chick who looks a tiny bit like me: because I know there’s a little voice in your head saying, ‘holy shit that’s my friend and she’s naked and I’ll get to see her nipples that sound way grosser than mine and she’s a lesbian! And is that man MASTURBATING WITH SWISS CHEESE?!?!?! AAAAAHHHH!!’

Try to shut her out if you’d like. We’re gluttons for controversy.

So why do we participate? What do we get out of posting ‘never buying a coke again, good job coca cola.’ Or ‘We speak English, coca cola, get over it.’ What does that do for us?

I get that homosexuality gives people the heebie jeebies. I can’t promise that I didn’t feel strange seeing two men make out on the gay beach in St. Pete. But come on: if nothing ever freaked me out a little, life would be very boring.