THE Ohio State University

I graduated from University of South Florida ten years after starting at The Ohio State University. This was a HUGE deal for me because I was a champion failure at OSU. I’m one of those that shouldn’t have gone to school right after high school. I started out ok enough, but by mid-freshman year I was bananas. I’d trek it a mile through snow just to get to my classroom, change my mind and head to the nearest Urban Outfitters to spend all of my parents’ money. 

My parents, G-d bless them. They gave me everything I needed, and when I fell they gave me more. I wish very much that I’d been a better kid, but I plan to give them half of my inevitable fortune so I figure I’m good.

I get comfort from thinking of a higher being as the universe itself: the kindness and cruelty of nature. When staring at the moon I hear and feel a symphonic outgrowth of happenstance. Compounded by collective human energy and thought, it replaces religion for me, and seems like a much more accessible magic.

I’m surrounded by people who are religious and believe that things ‘happen for a reason.’ It’s fun to play around with, I’ll give them that, considering the wackadoodlery in my life. Had I not gone to Ohio State I wouldn’t have met my ex, wouldn’t have had my children, wouldn’t have left my ex, wouldn’t have moved to Boca and met you know who. And had my son, the future most prophetic prodigy to ever dance the earth, and quite clearly your eventual world leader.

But all that aside, this moment was of huge importance to me. I wanted to be someone my daughter would be proud of. I’m not saying that being a college graduate will do that–I know brilliant people who never went to school. I just wanted to finish something I’d failed so miserably. And I did. Hurray.

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