WARNING: THIS POEM NOT INTENDED FOR ANDROGYNOUS MATTEL CONFIGURATIONS
In 2004, the tabloids proclaimed
“Blood & Plastic
The Horror Break-up Revealed.”
When Mattel announced the break-up
Everyone thought I was taking it well.
The spin was, I broke up with him,
Rebounding with the Australian Surfer Blonde Wannabe.
But through the press conference,
And the publicized dates,
My mind was filled with rat poison,
Lead, glass in water, gas stoves left on,
Brake lines worn through.
From the moment he said
“Sorry, doll, this just ain’t workin’ anymore.”
From the passenger seat of my
Hot pink convertible Corvette,
My mind went on autopilot.
I could think of nothing else
But those 60 years that we had shared:
Changing jobs, finding my long lost sisters,
Fads and fashions, and plastic surgery.
I snuck out one night, leaving my surfer in bed
And crept spider-like through the velvet.
His bathroom was full of overly priced hair cleansers
In their bright silver aluminum dispensers.
I slipped a bottle from my bag,
A bottle that had taken weeks to get,
Reams of forms and background checks.
I popped it open and poured it in,
The poisonous cocktail shaken, not stirred.
Then back through the night, ducking in bushes
As he drives in
In my Jeep
A girl firmly ensconced under his arm.
I tiptoe away, careful not to let the hate show
and break my careful smile.
That next morning the news had a horrible story.
“Skipper Mattel had met with an unfortunate fate.”
Apparently the product she had used at an
Undisclosed gentleman’s house
Had been laced with Acetone,
An unfortunate thing for a person of plastic.
The newscaster’s shiny face was stiff
As she asked for anyone to come forward.
I picked up my rosy Razor, dialed 911
“Sorry about my sister, it was supposed to be Ken.”
The police were at my house in minutes.
The trial was quick
The jury concise.
Perhaps I shouldn’t have said
“I’d do it again, never liked my sister anyhow, goody two shoes that she was.”
The DA asked for the death sentence,
I didn’t fight it.
I’d lost my contract with Mattel anyway.
And now the priest had come and gone,
I told him he was too late, I’d already sold my soul.
So they led me down that long hall
And I held my head high, not a quiver.
They closed me in that blank white room
With vents all along the top,
And those 5 short beeps,
1, 0, 0, 0, Start
And I felt myself melt.
A puddle of plastic, the smile gone last.
(image credit: sodahead.com)
Just beautiful, Rebecca.
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